Excelsior

Well here’s a review I haven’t been looking forward to: Excelsior.

Excelsior is another of Lidl’s own brewed beers. This beer is a measly 3.9%, but it only costs 59p for a 500ml can, so it’s not a worthwhile complaint. Excelsior has recently received a new design which caused me some confusion when trying to find it in Lidl’s tiny booze aisle. Like several drinks at Lidl, Excelsior seems to be trying to trick inattentive drunkards into thinking they’re buying a well known brand rather than a Chinese-esque German knockoff. In this case Carling.

Excelsior gains its name from the packaging material .

I can’t help but enter this review with a negative attitude towards the drink, as I remember all previous swallowings of the beverage to be some of the worst experiences of my life. Still, here I am with another can of Lidl’s finest.

Excelsior pours a dehydrated, urine coloured liquid with almost no head. There is little information on the can other than it is “Lager” which contains “Barley, Gluten and Wheat”. The smell is surprisingly inviting compared to what I remember, consisting of the usual lagery aroma perhaps with a hint of dandelion, not completely unlike Harp. Begrudgingly, I took a mouthful of the drink knowing damn well what was to come…

In all honesty I was not expecting what I tasted. Excelsior is unflavoursome but is as easy to drink as any other lager. I would definitley reccommend this beer as a cheap session drink for the sole purpose of getting shitfaced, until suddenly the aftertaste kicks in. Now I remember why I avoid this beer.

Excelsior leaves a lingering aftertaste of what I can only describe as sucking biscuit crumbs out of a carpet. Each exhale emphasises the well worn shoe-tasting finish of this beer. The natural reaction of this taste is to reach for the nearest drink to wash it away, which is always going to be the unfinished can of Excelsior sitting beside you.

As you slowly despise this drink more and more, the beer’s true flavour really comes out as it heats to room temperature. Excelsior is a beer you will definitely want to consume as soon as you lift it from the fridge. The cold temperature will help kill off your taste buds while you can quickly guzzle the fluid. Consuming this when warm can only be compared to sucking on a heavily used, flavourless teabag.

Excelsior is clearly no competitor to the pisswater of Carling, but don’t let this be a deterrent. Add a healthy pour of vodka to the drink and this will instantly neutralise any off flavours, resulting in overpowered lager perfection.

Booze Review rating: 2/10 deliciouses

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