Nobelaner Premium Lager

Nobelaner Premium Lager is Lidl’s take on the tiny crappy beers that most supermarkets sell. This beer is only available in packs of 10 250ml bottles at 4.8% for £3.99. This makes it a lot more expensive than the likes of Tesco’s Biere Speciale or Sainsbury’s Biere Des Moulins, so let’s hope extra money = extra tasty.

Elegance comes in packs of 10

Elegance comes in packs of 10

Surprisingly there is no information whatsoever printed on these dinky little bottles or on the outside packaging. I could guess that it is French but I have no reason to believe that other than lots of other cheap tiny beers being French. Being from Lidl it would make sense that it is German but there isn’t anything to go by. Nobelaner has those stupid twist caps that beer companies seem to be using now, but I used a bottle opener because the caps look a little rusted and I usually cut my hand open on them. I’m not sure why these beers always come in tiny bottles either. Wouldn’t it be cheaper to make a single large bottle than two small bottles? Maybe they’re for keeping in your drawer so you can quickly gulp one down when nobody is looking. If you have big hands you could probably completely hide the bottle and nobody would expect a thing.

As soon as I opened the first bottle I was greeted by the smell of old, flat beer mixed with fresh grass cuttings and stale urine. This was quite upsetting as I hadn’t even tried to smell it yet. After experiencing the smell I was quite pleased to discover that the bottle pours a very beer-coloured liquid. I was expecting something more like a cloudy lemonade but this is definitely something you would look at and recognize as beer. Nobelaner has quite a sophisticated aroma. Amongst the urine drenched carpet smell, there are also noticeable hints of chlorine and engine grease. The taste is quite unpleasant and remains in your mouth for quite some time.  If you want to recreate the taste at home, open a can of cheap lager and leave it outside in the rain overnight. Nobelaner is a horrible drink that gets worse as you drink it. I could understand why it tastes like this if it was sold in plastic bottles, but the glass bottle means it is just a really not nice beer.

Nobelaner is a pretty awful lager. If you want cheap beer in tiny bottles then you should go to a different supermarket because Lidl’s offering is really quite terrible. Even if it was cheaper it wouldn’t be worth it (unless it was less than half the price). Thankfully Nobelaner is 4.8% rather than the shittier 3% beers you usually find at this price.

Booze Review rating: 2/10 deliciouses

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5 Responses to Nobelaner Premium Lager

  1. REETNGS APPLE FANS!

    APPLES FOR ALL OCCASIONS, FEEDING, LIVESTOCK, FARM ANIMALS, BUSHELLING, SMOKED SAUSAGE STRUTS, THURSDAY, LANYARDS, FREE TASSELS!!!

  2. Eoin Ó Murchú says:

    Ridiculous “review”. It’s doubtful if the eejit who wrote it actually tasted the beer which is very good indeed. Also I like the availability of small bottles, as often I just want a small beer to quench a thirst, not5 necessarily to sit down for a full session. However, I would like to get the beer in large bottles as well.
    PS In future get someone who likes beer to write a proper review.

  3. Biere D'Or says:

    Ridiculous review by a moron who I doubt has ever tasted this beer. It is a finely hopped, refreshing brew that we at Biere D’Or highly recommend.

  4. Biere D'Or says:

    Get another reviewer. This guy is tired already! Nobealaner = Awesome

    Yo suck my pinkie pussy!

  5. uptonnoblestu says:

    Ummm. I have the sneaky feeling the comments above this one may be written by Lidl affiliates or all by the same person. I think he may of put on a different voice and swapped hats when typing to disguise his nefarious opinoins. Not sure about the apple guy though. Think he might be right. Anywho, The review is spot on. This beer is not only loathed by beer fans but by people with functioning taste buds and giant beer hiding hands.

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