Wow! Another yummy, yummy cider! Awesome!
I had recently been having a (now fairly regular) discussion with a cider drinking friend about how all cider is shite, when instead of the usual response of “Fuck off! It’s cheap!” I was told that most cider is indeed shit and French cider is the only good cider. I have only ever really drunk the kind of cider which comes in 3 litre plastic bottles and is apparently made from onions, so I couldn’t really argue. Roughly a week later, I had departed on my regular journey to Lidl and noticed they had begun to stock something named Cidre De Normandie. I had considered ignoring it, but then I remembered that booze which comes in 750ml bottles usually has some kind of quality and I probably wasn’t going to buy French cider at any other point.
Cidre De Normandie is a 4.5% cider in a 750ml bottle costing £1.99. It’s kind of expensive but I was prepared to take the hit as I knew it would only be the once. 4.5% seems kind of weak, but maybe it’s normal for cider. Who knows!
Cidre De Normandie is definitely French. I know this because the label features 4 French flags and mentions France/Normandy over 20 times. I’m not sure what “Duc De Coeur” translates to, but from my limited GCSE French vocabulary, I think it means “Duck of sister” or “Duck sisters”. Upset Frenchmen are free to complain in the comments. The label says “BRUT” at the bottom. If French cider is like wine, this could simply be indicating that the cider is carbonated. It could also mean it’s flavoured like Brut deodorant, or has a general brutal taste. The back label suggests it goes well with “light meals” so I think I’ll accompany this bottle with a slice of sponge cake.
When opening the bottle, I expected to be greeted by the typical stench of farts and rotten apple, but instead I was surprised by a delicate aroma which is best described as Shloer mixed with WD-40. I’ve been known to gag upon smelling the likes of 3 Hammers, so this much tamer scent was quite pleasing. I don’t know what colour cider is meant to be, but this seems quite orange compared to beer. I also had a strange problem where the cider refused to pour in a straight line. Kind of like when you’re trying to piss and it shoots everywhere for no reason at all. Maybe that’s just a French way of aerating their drinks.
Cidre De Normandie tastes much better than any other cider I’ve drank. I’m not sure if this is because it’s French or it’s just a better cider, but it is massively more swallowable than all other ciders. It has quite a smooth apple taste which doesn’t linger for too long, which may be a bad thing if you like cider, but for me it’s a great thing as I have to taste it for even less. Like all ciders, this one also tastes like you’re sucking on a handful of loose change, however it is much more refined, like you’re sucking on newly minted pennies or perhaps some coins recently cleaned with some Cillit Bang. Cidre De Normandie seems to go flat quite fast which makes you able to taste the apples more clearly. If you like drinking cider then being able to taste it is probably a great attribute, but for people who drink cider despite hating it, it’s certainly not preferable.
Cider De Normandie turned out to be a lot better than I thought it would be. I was expecting French cider to be maybe slightly less shit, but this is actually quite drinkable. A higher booze content would be good, but if I saw this in cans at the same price as other pissy swill such as Magners, I’d probably consider buying it. I’ve just remembered I forgot to eat my cake. Fuck.
Booze Review rating: 6/10 deliciouses