Today we have a special guest review by our good friend Jelf Boho in America. You may know Mr Boho from Mixed Drink Suggestion Hour on YouTube. Or Maybe not. When Jelf isn’t pounding down glasses of cheesy bourbon he can be seen enjoying picnics in hurricanes or chasing crabs around the house at 4am. Anyway, this is Booze Review’s first guest review so we hope you like it!
Lord Calvert Canadian
I must first admit that Canadian whiskey is not my forte. I tend to stick primarily to bourbon and scotch. In spite of this I acknowledge that variety is the spice of life, which is why I’ve gone out on a limb here to try something beyond my comfort zone. When I say “out on a limb”, I really mean “out on a limb which has already fallen from the tree and is now in the process of rotting amidst the undergrowth.”
At $14.99, this bottle was approximately half the price of what i usually spend on any sort of hard liquor. It claims to have been aged a brisk 36 months, (the bare minimum that is required for something to be called a “whiskey”). Strangely, there is a lack of any flavor text or attempts to sell itself to a potential buyer. Perhaps the most striking aspect of the bottle is the fact that the word “CANADIAN” appears in raised text no less than eighteen times. It’s as though the marketing team (perhaps a single person) decided (correctly) to not waste time trying to make this spirit appear to be something it is not, instead attempting to corner the market on one single facet alone. This is indeed a Canadian whiskey and they will NOT let you overlook that fact.
Upon cracking the seal, the first smell you are met with is akin to some sort of industrial-age medical disinfectant. In the spirit of being a cheap-ass, I decided to enjoy my first sample completely unadulterated. Wow. That was a mistake. It has an unfriendly spiciness to it, the sort of burn that accompanies something you probably shouldn’t be drinking. My mind once again wonders to disinfectants of years past. Immediately after swallowing, an unsettling dryness develops in my mouth, as if the entire first layer of cells were coaxed to an early grave. My mouth is now thoroughly disinfected of all life.
I quickly dropped an ice cube into the cup and allowed it to melt slightly. This greatly reduced the burn of the whiskey, however it allowed the secondary layer of flavor to surface. The one word that comes to mind is “bitter”. Actually, the word doesn’t so much “come to my mind” as it does “grab me by the back of my tongue and slap me across the face.” It’s like the same bitterness that remains in your mouth after you’ve vomited, though with none of the acidic sourness. I’m already feeling slightly buzzed from this one glass, although I haven’t eaten breakfast or lunch yet today.
The last thing I’m going to try, is mixing it with some root beer. For the sake of brevity: it works. Barely. I’m going to need a lot of root beer to finish this bottle.
Jelf Boho’s rating: 3/10 deliciouses