Vladivar Vodka

Posted on March 18, 2013 by Randy Hamblast

Vladivar Vodka is a drink which always seems to be on sale. I can’t think of a time when I’ve bought it and it hasn’t been reduced in price. I guess it’s like the DFS sales where you would feel ripped off if you somehow managed to pay full price. This bottle of Vladivar cost £12 and has an alcohol content of 37.5%. It’s more expensive than Glen’s but I remember it tasting slightly better.

Healthy and nutritious

Healthy and nutritious

Vladivar comes in a plain glass bottle with a load of Vs embossed around the top. I had always assumed that this vodka was meant to be Romanian or Russian but the back bottle says it’s Scottish, which was unexpected. The back also claims that the bottle contains 28 measures but in reality it would be lucky if it made even half that. The front label is hard to read as it has a black font on a reflective cyan background, meaning you can’t make anything out unless you’re in the right light. Luckily all it contains is the standard description of the sophistication and excellence of the vodka, something a drunk isn’t going to care about reading.

Vladivar doesn’t smell great but it is much tamer than other cheap vodkas. There is a slight petrol smell, but it can easily be ignored. Tastewise, Vladivar is quite a neutral drink. There’s a very minimal taste of what I can only describe as smoky or oaky which is strange but also quite nice. After a while of drinking, Vladivar begins to develop a plasticy cardboard taste. It isn’t completely disgusting, but I’ve never licked an envelope and thought “Yum! I hope there’s more!”. I think I read something about peppermint somewhere but I don’t notice anything minty. There are maybe mild tones of bland toothpaste in the taste, although I’m probably just imagining that while trying to detect peppermint.

I was expecting Vladivar Vodka to taste like a slightly less shitty cheap vodka, but it is much better than that. Vladivar is similar to Kulov or maybe better. This is a vodka which you can drink straight without needing to cover up a horrible boot polish taste by drowning it with a mixer. At £12, Vladivar is cheaper and tastier than most other bottom shelf vodkas, and I’d probably consider buying it even if it wasn’t on sale.

Booze Review rating: 8/10 deliciouses
★★★★★★★★★★

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Drinks That Aren’t Drinks: Mason Reese

Posted on March 7, 2013 by Randy Hamblast

On a recent trip to Lidl I noticed a strange carton. It was labeled “Banana Nectar” which I assumed was German for “Banana juice”. I didn’t know you could extract juice from a banana, but nonetheless I picked up a carton as I was sure it would make some delicious and exciting cocktails. It was only when I got home that I realised that I had never heard of banana juice before and therefore had no idea what a delicious banana juice cocktail would consist of. I eventually decided that you can’t really go wrong adding vodka to something, and so I have been trying various drink recipes such as “Banana juice and vodka” and “Vodka and banana juice” which turned out to be massively tasty. I haven’t had a straight banana juice yet, but mixed with vodka it tastes like a delicious banana yogurt/milkshake. I had considered reviewing this wonderful new drink, but after several vodkas, Mr Jelf Boho convinced me that it would be a good idea to mix the last of my Canadian Club with the last of my Banana Nectar. I enjoy both of these drinks so why wouldn’t they be great combined?

Fruitfully delicious!

Fruitfully delicious!

The first thing I noticed is that whiskey and banana juice doesn’t mix very well. After adding the whiskey it just sat as an individual layer on top of the banana juice, but after a brisk stir, this was soon fixed. Excitedly, I sat down with my wonderful new creation. I looked at it and noticed the two drinks had separated, so I gave it a quick stir before inhaling the wonderful new aroma of what I had just created.

I was greeted by the stench of tropical vomit. Somehow these two wonderful drinks had congealed and created a horrible new beverage. Undeterred by this, I gave it another quick stir before indulging in my first sip of this wonderful new concoction. This drink is certainly interesting. It has a unique blend of tastes which are quite hard to describe. At first there is a pleasant banana flavour, but this soon gives way to a slightly smoky flavour which then begins to taste like Jameson as it develops. Soon these flavours all combine and give a pleasant banana drink with subtle whiskey overtones. This isn’t a drink I would make often, but it’s definitely a flavoursome oddity to enjoy every once in a while.

After careful thought and consideration, I have decided to name this drink after one of my childhood heroes: Mason Reese. This is a man who looks like he includes banana juice with all his alcoholic drinks, and so I bestow upon him the honor of this beautiful new drink.

Booze Review rating: 8/10 deliciouses
★★★★★★★★★★

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Vodka Rachmaninoff 37.5%

Posted on March 6, 2013 by Randy Hamblast

Today we review Rachmaninoff’s shittier little brother, the 37.5% vodka. The bottle is the same as the 40% version, but everything is red instead of blue. This bottle costs £9.99 rather than £10.99. I decided to do the math and the 37.5% vodka costs 42p per unit, while the 40% vodka costs 39p per unit, so if you’re only planning to get drunk then the 40% vodka is the way to go. I always thought Rachmaninoff was a vodka made for Lidl, but dik man kindly pointed out in the previous review that Rachmaninoff is available in the USA, so I guess Lidl is the only place that sells it here.

2.5% extra less!

2.5% extra less!

Rachmaninoff is once again quite a foul smelling drink. I can’t remember exactly what the 40% vodka smells like, but I think they’re pretty similar. This smells like isopropyl mixed with lots of sugar, which strangely isn’t something I picked up in the other kind. I expected this to taste exactly the same as the other Rachmaninoff but thankfully it’s a lot more neutral. I’d say Rachmaninoff doesn’t really have much of a taste at all, which is a great thing for a vodka, especially a cheap vodka which is most likely going to be mixed with something. Rachmaninoff does start to develop a burn after the first few drinks, but it is easily washed away by another sip of vodka. I only ever buy vodka to add alcohol to a non-alcoholic drink, so this is pretty fantastic.

Vodka Rachmaninoff 37.5% is much easier to drink than the 40% version, so if you’re drinking it straight I would reccommend the weaker version for the taste, however if you’re mixing it then there’s really no reason not to spend the extra 99p for a full strength spirit. The 37.5% vodka is almost definitely the 40% vodka with added water, but the taste is much less shitty.

Booze Review rating: 8/10 deliciouses★★★★★★★★★★

Posted in Lidl, Vodka | 4 Comments

Dragon Soop Lemon & Lime

Posted on March 2, 2013 by Randy Hamblast

Finally the Dragon Soop trilogy comes to an end with the refreshing flavour of Lemon & Lime. The can is the same as the other 2 flavours so we’ll be skipping straight to the tasting. If you want to find out more about Dragon Soop you can read reviews of the other flavours here and here.

Like Smirnoff Ice but less shitty.

Like Smirnoff Ice but less shitty.

Unsurprisingly this flavour of Dragon Soop looks like lemonade. I didn’t expect the drink to smell any different but it smells like glue mixed with lemon. It isn’t like superglue or some industrial adhesive, it’s more like a Pritt Stick or maybe PVA glue. The smell isn’t overpowering or even strong, but it isn’t really something you want your drink to smell like. Dragon Soop tastes like a cheap lemonade, which is fine as it does a great job of masking the taste of vodka. It also has the same weird taste the other two flavours suffered from, kind of like medicine mixed with carpet. Despite all this, Dragon Soop is a very swallowable drink. It tastes much better than other similar drinks, even if it is just a glorified Smirnoff Ice.

Dragon Soop Lemon & Lime is definitely better than the Herbal Fusion flavour, but it has a weird taste that the Sour Apple flavour covers up much better. It’s expensive, but the higher booze content almost makes up for it. If you’re stuck somewhere and want a quick drink, Dragon Soop works pretty great.

Booze Review rating: 6/10 deliciouses
★★★★★★★★★★

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Smirnoff Vodka & Cranberry Juice Drink

Posted on February 27, 2013 by Randy Hamblast

This was an unexpected edition of Booze Review. Once again in SuperValu, I noticed a lonesome can in their reduced booze bin. This tiny can of Smirnoff Vodka & Cranberry was severely dented, but as the liquid inside probably wasn’t dented I was more than happy to buy it at half the usual price. This can would usually cost £1.89 but was reduced to only 95p. The 250ml can is surprisingly strong at 6.4% as I would have expected a drink to be 4-5%.

Smirnoff's fantastic new design

Smirnoff’s fantastic new design

Smirnoff & Cranberry is different than most of these pre-mixed cans as it uses a known brand for mixer, in this case Ocean Spray cranberry juice. Usually a pre-mixed can will come with some bad tasting cola, so this was a pleasant surprise. The can was completely fucked at both ends but it didn’t leak and opened fine, so I really have no complaints. I noticed a large amount of text on the side of the can, so I got really excited about reading it, but it turned out to be mostly trademark information and “DRINK RESPONSIBLY” in 4 different languages. The only useful text on the can is “Serve chilled in a tall glass over ice”, but I had already poured it into a lowball glass without ice so unfortunately I’ll be missing out on the deliciously refreshing experience.

Smirnoff & Cranberry seems slightly darker than regular cranberry juice, but it’s nothing major. It smells slightly stale but it’s not very noticeable. The drink tastes pretty good, and by good I mean it doesn’t taste any different than straight cranberry juice. To even begin tasting any alcohol you have to hold the drink in your mouth for quite a while, which is a really dumb way to drink and I have no intentions to do so.

At 95p a can this is pretty good but at the usual price of £1.89, 250ml cans are far too small to get drunk from. I prefer vodka and cranberry to be a lot stronger, but it’s unlikely you’d find it being sold at a much higher strength anyway. Smirnoff Vodka & Cranberry Juice Drink is good if you’re looking for a quick drink, but it isn’t something you’ll want to pick up a crate of and drink all night. Sure, it’s a girly drink, but cranberry does a fantastic job of masking the flavour of shit vodka.

Booze Review rating: 7/10 deliciouses
★★★★★★★★★★

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Vallée D’or Chardalusco

Posted on February 23, 2013 by Randy Hamblast

I was in the booze shop when I noticed something in the wine section which I hadn’t seen before. A 1.8 litre bottle of white wine. Upon closer inspection I then saw that this wine was only 7.5%. I can’t remember the price, but it was around £3 so I decided it was good enough. The bottle has 20% extra free but it seems like the kind of drink that always has 20% extra free, possibly to circumvent some kind of booze law.

Not quite wine, not quite cider

Not quite wine, not quite cider

It was only when I got home and went to open the bottle that I realised that Chardalusco is not a low strength white wine, but is actually a “Slightly sparkling perry” which is pretty much a bastardised pear cider. If I had knew this, I wouldn’t have bought it as I hate cider, but pear cider is still better than apple cider so I decided to drink on.

Chardalusco appears to be a French perry, but upon reading the label it is clear that it is made by Aston Manor, the same company behind Frosty Jack’s, Crumpton Oaks and 3 Hammers. Not exactly a company known for its quality drinks. Thankfully, Chardalusco is a slightly higher 7.5% which is boozier than a standard cider, however comes in a bottle half the size of other ciders.

Upon opening the bottle, the gasses inside were forced out, dispersing the odour of an outdoor toilet around the kitchen. This drink smells like a mix of leftover cider, public toilet, some kind of medical cream and rancid fart. It isn’t really comparable to regular cider. Apple cider has an awful stench of rotten apple, but this smells like some kind of chemical ointment which is unsafe for human consumption. I know I hate cider, but this perry really doesn’t smell like a drink. Colour-wise, it looks like white wine and although it doesn’t appear to be carbonated in the bottle, there is a slight fizz once poured into a glass. Chardalusco tastes a lot better than it smells, but that isn’t to say it’s a tasty beverage. It has a rotten taste similar to cider, but is much milder. There is quite a strong fermented pear aftertaste but luckily it doesn’t linger for too long. It tastes like some kind of pear dessert which has gone completely and horribly wrong, such as leaving it behind a refridgerator for one month too many. This definitley isn’t a pleasant drink, but I’ve had worse.

Vallée D’or Chardalusco isn’t a very nice drink, but as somebody who hates drinks like this, it isn’t too bad. I know I’ve spent most of the review comparing it to apple cider, but there isn’t a huge difference between the two drinks. Cider is an incredibly cheap way to get drunk, but as I despise the drink, maybe this is a close second. It isn’t enjoyable, but if you’re low on money and have time to drink 2 litres of the stuff, it might be worth the horrible taste.

Booze Review rating: 3/10 deliciouses
★★★★★★★★★★

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Dragon Soop Sour Apple

Posted on February 21, 2013 by Randy Hamblast

The second part of the Dragon Soop trilogy is Sour Apple. The Sour Apple flavour is the same as the Herbal Fusion drink, costing £2.99 for a 500ml can of 8% drink, however this time it’s a lovely green colour.

The can is exactly the same as the Herbal Fusion flavour, except it is green and says “Sour Apple” instead of “Herbal Fusion”. As there is nothing new to poke fun at, we’ll be skipping straight to the review.

Sour Apple - Neither sour or apple.

Sour Apple – Neither sour or apple.

Opening the can instantly resulted in a very strong sour apple smell, the same as the sour apple bootlace things you can buy in sweet shops. I was expecting it to be quite appley, but not this strong. It wouldn’t necessarily be a bad smell, but it’s quite an off-putting aroma to come from a drink not made for 5 year olds. I was also expecting a green colour, maybe lime green or something similar, but I was surprised to see that Dragon Soop is a dark green liquid, clearly full of colouring. Not that you should be concerned about food colouring when you’re drinking one of these. Upon further investigation of the smell, I noticed it was quite familiar to the Herbal Fusion flavour, so I wouldn’t be surprised if these drinks all started out with the same base and then colouring and flavouring was added. Even the can is the same thing with different colours. From the smell and colour, I expected Sour Apple to be an overpoweringly sour drink but I was pleasantly surprised. The drink is much less carbonated than it looks and the taste is quite mild. It’s actually not very sour at all and the apple taste is barely noticeable. Dragon Soop tastes less appley than fizzy apple juice, and while it isn’t a flavoursome drink, it’s easy enough to drink that I would definitely consider drinking one of these if I was tired and wanted the caffeine boost. It’s like a child’s version of coffee with Baileys.

Dragon Soop Sour Apple isn’t something I would order at a bar, but the high alcohol content and minimal flavour is quite appealing as a quick “pick-me-up”. The Sour Apple flavour is also much better than Herbal Fusion. It isn’t a session drink, and probably shouldn’t be used as one, but it doesn’t smell boozy and could be used for drinking in places where you can’t drink. It does make your tongue green, but I’m not complaining.

Booze Review rating: 8/10 deliciouses
★★★★★★★★★★

Posted in Pre-Mixed | 4 Comments

Western Gold Bourbon Whiskey

Posted on February 19, 2013 by Randy Hamblast

Today we have a bottle of Western Gold Straight Old Kentucky Bourbon Whiskey Sour Mash.

Western Gold is a bourbon made for Lidl. This bourbon is 40% and costs £12.19, so it’s quite low priced, although this is probably reflected in its taste.

Kentucky Fried Chicken Bourbon

Kentucky Fried Chicken Bourbon

Many people online have been saying that Western Gold is just Jim Beam with a different bottle. I haven’t drank Jim Beam in a long time, but I remember it not being very delicious. The bottle is very similar so it could either be the same thing, or a cheap knockoff. Jim Beam costs over £6 more than Western Gold, so if it does taste similar it would be a good thing.

The front label says the bourbon is “Distilled and aged under supervision of the United States government” and I for one am comforted knowing my whiskey is looked over by Barack Obama.  I’m not sure how big a role he plays in the manufacturing of this whiskey, but the fact he’s involved in the production of Lidl’s drinks at all is quite amazing. The side of the bottle proudly boasts that Western Gold is “Based on best American grain, pure water and the knowledge of experienced distillers” which is quite disappointing after reading the front label. Western Gold doesn’t even bother claiming to be “Made with” pure water, just based on it. Either way, this bourbon is setting itself up to be either massively fantastic or completely undrinkable.

Straight from the bottle, Western Gold smells like vodka mixed with a shoe. It smells quite dull and not much like whiskey at all. It tastes like some kind of murky brown thing and burns a lot. If this tastes like Jim Beam then I must really have hated Jim Beam. Adding ice however, completely changes the drink. The shoe smell transforms into an oaky scent and it becomes much more drinkable.  It still isn’t a fantastic bourbon, but ice definitely makes it much better. You’ll probably want to drink Western Gold with something like coke, as it isn’t very enjoyable to sip at.

Western Gold is cheap, but not very delicious. It’s fine when mixed with something but it’s pretty shitty to drink on its own.

Booze Review rating: 5/10 deliciouses
★★★★★★★★★★

Posted in Lidl, Whiskey | 57 Comments

Stowells Chenin Blanc

Posted on February 19, 2013 by Randy Hamblast

Stowells Chenin Blanc is a boxed wine purchased from SuperValu’s booze bin. Normally costing £20.39, this 3 litre box of 12.5% white wine cost only £10. As of today the wine is 3 months past the expiration date, but I’m not going to let that put me off. Having stocked up on many of these boxes while they were cheap, I am now quite familiar with this wine.

Happiness comes in a 3 litre box.

Happiness comes in a 3 litre box.

Stowells Chenin Blanc is a South African wine. I haven’t found any South African white wine that I’ve ever enjoyed. I’ll drink it, but I would never chose it over any other kind of wine. The variety of grape used in this wine is called “Steen”, so let’s hope the wine is as amusing as the grapes. The box describes it as “An aromatic, medium dry white with flavours of ripe pears, peaches and apricots”, suggesting that other wines takes like unripe pears, peaches and apricots. Finally it suggests drinking it with “tandoori prawns or a chicken korma”. I have neither, so I’ll be drinking it for the sole purpose of getting drunk.

The wine is quite clear, not that it really matters. It doesn’t have much smell either, other than a slight hint of honey. The taste is also quite empty. It isn’t bad, it just doesn’t really have anything. I suspect the wine has started turning shitty because it’s past the expiration date, but I don’t know how that works with boxed wines. It almost tastes watered down. The aftertaste leaves a very slight burn, but it isn’t anything you’ll notice unless you’re looking out for it.

I was expecting to hate this wine, but instead I just feel neutral about it. It doesn’t really have a taste which is good if you just want to get drunk, but shitty if you want to actually taste the wine. This is maybe because the wine is old, but I don’t care too much since it was really cheap. If this was  a normal bottle it would score a 5 or 6, but because of the excellent price it scores higher.

Booze Review rating: 8/10 deliciouses
★★★★★★★★★★

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Dragon Soop Herbal Fusion

Posted on February 17, 2013 by Randy Hamblast

Dragon Soop is an energy drink with vodka. After the last one I reviewed, I didn’t think I would buy any more of them, however this one is 8%, which is a surprisingly high alcohol level here, so I felt it was my duty to review it.

Dragon Soop comes in several different flavours. This review will only be for Herbal Fusion because drinking several of them in one day doesn’t seem like a good idea. 500ml cans of 8% booze are normally sold for £2.99, but I found a wonderful new booze store named “Wine World Convenience” which was selling them at £5 for 2 cans.

More like Dragon POOP LOL

More like Dragon POOP LOL

The can describes the drink as a “Fermented alcoholic beverage, fortified with vodka, containing high levels of caffeine” which really isn’t a good start. Having to explicitly state that your alcohol is fermented is a strange thing to state, and high levels of caffeine makes it sound like the drink is going to give you some kind of drug induced heart attack. The design of the can is surprisingly professional, and at the very least it makes it appear that it isn’t some kind of unhealthy, possibly dangerous drink. The main reason I was attracted to Dragon Soup was because of the relatively high alcohol content, and knowing booze laws here, it is possibly something that will get banned because a 6 year old drank a can of it thinking it was a box of crayons, causing them to trip over their shoelaces and fall through a door. Knowing this is the closest I’ll probably ever get to 4 Loko, I knew I had to drink on.

Upon opening the can, I was hit with the horrible stench that Reloaded suffered from. It was slightly less shitty, but not a fragrance I would want a scented candle to smell like. The best was to describe it would be burning rubber mixed with Southern Comfort and vomit. The taste is pretty similar to the smell, but also feels like you’re sucking on a 9 volt battery at the same time. It also suffers from some weird metallic taste. I can’t pinpoint it, but it seems to resemble an old, reheated, microwaved sausage roll. I’m feeling like the combination of booze and caffeine has hit me surprisingly hard, but I drank a glass of wine and half a bottle of whiskey before this, so it could just be the booze catching up with me.

Dragon Soop Herbal Fusion is definitely better than other energy/booze drinks, but still isn’t great. I must praise its alcohol content which isn’t common here, but the Herbal Fusion flavour isn’t a fun thing to drink. There’s still 2 more flavours to review so I’m hoping they’re better. At £2.50 a can, this is quite expensive, but it does have almost double the booze of usual drinks so that is definitely a good thing.

Booze Review rating: 5/10 deliciouses
★★★★★★★★★★

Posted in Pre-Mixed | 7 Comments