Vallée D’or Chardalusco

I was in the booze shop when I noticed something in the wine section which I hadn’t seen before. A 1.8 litre bottle of white wine. Upon closer inspection I then saw that this wine was only 7.5%. I can’t remember the price, but it was around £3 so I decided it was good enough. The bottle has 20% extra free but it seems like the kind of drink that always has 20% extra free, possibly to circumvent some kind of booze law.

Not quite wine, not quite cider

It was only when I got home and went to open the bottle that I realised that Chardalusco is not a low strength white wine, but is actually a “Slightly sparkling perry” which is pretty much a bastardised pear cider. If I had knew this, I wouldn’t have bought it as I hate cider, but pear cider is still better than apple cider so I decided to drink on.

Chardalusco appears to be a French perry, but upon reading the label it is clear that it is made by Aston Manor, the same company behind Frosty Jack’s, Crumpton Oaks and 3 Hammers. Not exactly a company known for its quality drinks. Thankfully, Chardalusco is a slightly higher 7.5% which is boozier than a standard cider, however comes in a bottle half the size of other ciders.

Upon opening the bottle, the gasses inside were forced out, dispersing the odour of an outdoor toilet around the kitchen. This drink smells like a mix of leftover cider, public toilet, some kind of medical cream and rancid fart. It isn’t really comparable to regular cider. Apple cider has an awful stench of rotten apple, but this smells like some kind of chemical ointment which is unsafe for human consumption. I know I hate cider, but this perry really doesn’t smell like a drink. Colour-wise, it looks like white wine and although it doesn’t appear to be carbonated in the bottle, there is a slight fizz once poured into a glass. Chardalusco tastes a lot better than it smells, but that isn’t to say it’s a tasty beverage. It has a rotten taste similar to cider, but is much milder. There is quite a strong fermented pear aftertaste but luckily it doesn’t linger for too long. It tastes like some kind of pear dessert which has gone completely and horribly wrong, such as leaving it behind a refridgerator for one month too many. This definitley isn’t a pleasant drink, but I’ve had worse.

Vallée D’or Chardalusco isn’t a very nice drink, but as somebody who hates drinks like this, it isn’t too bad. I know I’ve spent most of the review comparing it to apple cider, but there isn’t a huge difference between the two drinks. Cider is an incredibly cheap way to get drunk, but as I despise the drink, maybe this is a close second. It isn’t enjoyable, but if you’re low on money and have time to drink 2 litres of the stuff, it might be worth the horrible taste.

Booze Review rating: 3/10 deliciouses
★★★★★★★★★★